Well, hold the phone. It’s 2018 and a guy named Kevin just shared a bold observation: it’s kind of ironic that Amazon is opening up physical retail stores. “Amazon? Bookstores? Talk about irony,” said Kevin.
Until Kevin’s breakthrough discovery, retail and e-commerce experts didn’t find it unusual that Amazon planned to open a number of physical retail locations. After all, the retail giant knows more about American consumers than all other retailers combined and it only made sense to open up one more channel to their hearts, wallets, and behavioral data.
Enter Kevin. Born in 1979 in Piscataway, New Jersey, Kevin had always showed an interest in telling others what is and is not ironic. At the age of 11, he came home with an F in English on his report card and told his dad it was ironic that he got an F in English when F is a letter of the English alphabet. At the age of 14, while eating TCBY, he noted that it is not the country’s best yogurt, which is ironic because TCBY stands for “the country’s best yogurt.” By age 16, Kevin was the first human to note that it was ironic that Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” is not actually ironic, though this is in and of itself ironic.
“What’s next?,” the genius posited. “Lyft launching a bus service? Spotify hosting a music festival? Airbnb opening up its own hotel? Is there any limit to what these hypocrites will do?”
As of October 2017, Airbnb had indeed announced plans to create a 324-unit hotel in Kissimmee, FL.