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Bill Gates no longer eligible for one free kill per year ‘He just gave too much to charity’

Mosquito nets and childhood literacy come with a cost, Bill Gates recently discovered. The billionaire founder of Microsoft is no longer eligible for one free kill per year with no questions asked.

If his philanthropic endeavors continue at this rate, analysts predict that by 2020 he won’t even be able to have a team of goons jump out of a van and put the ol’ squeeze on someone while the authorities turn a blind eye.