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GDPR Update: TechLoaf Has Stopped Selling Your Data To Boko Haram

Dear Reader,

As you probably know by now, a new set of regulations will be going into effect in the EU to govern how personally identifiable data is collected and handled online, and those regulations will prohibit TechLoaf from continuing to sell your personal data to the West African Islamist group Boko Haram without your express permission.

In order to comply with the new GDPR regulations going into effect this month, we updated our Privacy Policy and Terms of Service to give users the opportunity to opt out of our long-standing practice of making millions of dollars selling your email addresses, email open and click activity, and favorite TechLoaf articles to third-, fourth-, and even fifth-parties.

The highlights:

  1. Effective immediately, we are terminating our data brokerage deals with Boko Haram, ISIS, The Insane Clown Posse, Fox News, Westboro Baptist Church, and eighteen companies you’ve never heard of but are essentially far worse versions of Cambridge Analytica.

  2. In order to deter hackers from attacking TechLoaf’s servers, we will be moving your personal data into various Craigslist Ads, placing the burden of security into the hands of a far more competent and better-capitalized business than our own.

  3. We will be prohibiting any and all new subscribers from Europe because we have no interest in serving those who restrict our ability to innovate and release wildly-disruptive products with negligible oversight.

  4. We have fired our lawyer who barely even gave me a head’s up on all this stuff. What the hell is up with that Bill? Do NOT hire Bill “The Hammer” McDonnell as your attorney. Ever.

These changes will be in effect starting last week. By reading this, you accept the changes to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Service and acknowledge that we can’t exactly retrieve any of the data we’ve already sold to a lot of these guys.

If you have any questions please email no-reply@techloaf.io.

Regards,

Carl Cantana
President, Founder, Editor-In-Chief
TechLoaf International Holdings, Inc.
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