Uber finds itself in hot water again this week after its new Uber Shuffle feature sent a white Ford Taurus to the bottom of Lake Tahoe in California and a red Nissan Altima plunging over Palisade Head in Minnesota.
The company rolled out the new feature, which it claimed could help reduce fares up to 7% by dispatching rides as quickly as possible to wherever its algorithm predicted even the slightest opportunity for profit.
“I’m always up to save a few bucks on a ride. Little did I know I should have packed my swim trunks,” said Uber Shuffle rider Garth Larkin, whose car failed to clear a large reservoir that the algorithm demanded his driver jump. “The worst part? The gargling screams of my driver will haunt me until the day I die, which if I take Uber Shuffle again, could be tomorrow.”
As of Saturday, Uber Shuffle had claimed six lives and left 28 individuals in critical condition.
“We do regret the growing land bridge of submerged Priuses between Fisherman’s Wharf and Alcatraz,” said Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi. “However, it’s important to note that I have not been a complete misogynist during my tenure as CEO.”