Press "Enter" to skip to content

Three Times We Knew Exactly Who Left Us Glassdoor Reviews

1. Brian, the guy who overused bad metaphors and frequently turned on Caps Lock because he has six fingers on his left hand

ClueleSS WITH a chanCE OF MEAtballs

Pros

Upper management seems tO HAVE LITTLE control over the day-to-day operations which MEANS MOre wiggLE ROOM than my ant farm FULL Of worms

Cons

When things GeT BAD HEads roll faster thaN THE HEAD OF A DISSenter in Robespierre’S REIGn of terROR

moRE BOSSEs thaN A RICk ross soNG – NOTHing ever gets done

LoW PERFOrmers get more raises thaN AMISH BArns

WorsE “TRAIN”-ING THan that band that doES DROPS Of jupiter

Advice to Management

BE MOre transparENT LIKE PATRick swayze in Ghost

 

2. Rebecca, the girl who sued the company over the lack of paid festival leave

Worst paid festival leave policy EVER

Pros

I thought I was walking into a healthy, thriving organization, but little did I know how naive I was. SHAME ON ME.

Cons

You will NEVER be competitive with your ARCHAIC paid festival leave policy.

ZERO SUPPORT from upper management to take time off for Burning Man, Coachella, Bonnaroo, Electric Wonderland, Ultra, Dingbat, Little Flower Big Heart, Lunar Donkey, Stinkfire, ToadLycker, Flamingo Gulch, Ocean Nymph Children, and Uncle Kracker’s Week of Magic.

Hula hooping in the office – AND PARKING GARAGE – was explicitly forbidden.

On top of all that, the conference call system in the office was quite frustrating to use.

Advice to Management

You will FAIL if you don’t rope off a self-expression area in the office. And be more conscious of OTHER cultures. I worked here for SEVEN WEEKS and not once did I see a Native American headdress.

 

3. Derek, the 45-year-old craft beer guy who got into a fight with a customer support rep about whether a beer was technically an IPA

Great buds, cold suds, mediocre management.

Pros

One time, Carolyn brought in a Terrapin double IPA. Wow, tour de force.

Appearance: Golden appearance, thick, white foam, if I had to guess, about three fingers worth. The head held in a way that I hadn’t seen since Golden Road’s Wolf Puppy Unleashed Speciality Brew in the summer of ‘12.

Smell: The aroma of the brew has traces of lavender, coriander, parsley, basil, turmeric, jalapeno pepper, orange, and an almost abrasive yeasty smell with miles of an aggressive biscuit overtone. Along with these smells comes some lighter notes of candied grass and uncandied grass.

Taste: The journey begins with aforementioned candied grass, quickly merging lanes and side swiping coriander, smashing into the highway divider of crisp turmeric and leaving the parsley and biscuit to identify turmeric only through dental records.

Overall: This was a tasty journey. My only question, when are we going full quintuple IPA?

A hearty gentleman’s 3.8 out of 5.

Cons

Christian, the Senior QA Engineer, brought in a pony keg of what he called “authentic hefeweizen.” Hefe-why bother? I had to be nice, because Christian was my direct superior.

But even pouring it into my Cantillon flute glass couldn’t elevate it past the third story on the Empire State Building of flavor.

Appearance: Nasty brown, almost blue if not yellow, with a head the size of a child’s finger, perhaps a finger that had been sent with a ransom note to a rich grandfather.

Smell: As Meat Loaf once said, “I would do anything for clove, but I won’t sniff that.” Like Johnny Cochran once posited, “If the clove doesn’t fit, you must quit drinking it.”

Taste: Kumquats and Maraschino cherry.

Overall: Someone call Colin Kaepernick because I’m taking a knee.

Woe is me, 2.3 (out of 5)

Advice to Management

Better 401k matching.