All of your competitors are giving their shriveling, clueless, man-children employees the traditional Feedback Sandwich. Set yourself apart with these four new, proven Feedback Sandwiches that are guaranteed to put you in the upper crust.
1. ‘The Keto Feedback Sandwich’ by Kevin Sanderson, SVP Regional Accounts
No carbs, no bread, this guy gets right to the meat of it.
“Angelina, you embarrassed me and you embarrassed yourself by presenting a PowerPoint in 4:3 aspect ratio when everyone at the firm uses 16:9. 4:3 is for peasants. Do you see porridge dribbling from my chin? Has anyone at this firm ever eaten porridge?”
2. ‘Feedback Sliders’ by Barb Dufour-Papadopolous, Associate Director of Human Resources
Barb didn’t get all the way to Associate Director by holding back. Are you on Slack? GChat? Skype for Business? All three? Miss Dufour-Papadopolous will find you and tell you how it is with her signature bite-sized, easily-digestible “barbs.”
Begin Message History with @barb
9:32 AM: Hey, loved seeing you at the company happy hour last Thursday! You failed to complete your Workplace Diversity Training by EOD Friday as was specifically requested in the email I had sent. Are you still on the softball team? You were always a great second baseperson!.
9:41 AM: Did you get new glasses? They look great! Only 70% of your team has completed the Employee Engagement Survey. Unacceptable. Love your hair!
9:58 AM: I saw the pic of your kids at your desk! They are so adorable! We need to discuss the joke you told Josie at the daily Scrum in Conference Room B at approximately 9:01 AM. The term “carpetbagging Yankee” is inappropriate in the modern workplace. What’s your oldest’s name? He’s growing up so fast!
3. ‘The Feedback Party Sub’ by The Entire Sales Team
On the sales team everyone shares in on successes and failures, especially failures.
“You bring such a great energy to the team.”
“When you told our prospect that we could have the entire custom app built in ‘like 2 or 3 weeks’ you put our entire company at risk. What was going through your head?”
“No, what wasn’t going through your head?”
“A snail has better client facing relations than you.”
“And is half as slimy.”
“You tend to interrupt people, and this is a problem.”
“We love your enthusiasm!”
4. ‘The Feedback Garlic Naan with Lamb Rogan Josh’ by Harry Merkum, Chief Operating Officer
“Thank you for your service. Your job is being outsourced to India.”