Few of us enjoy receiving direct feedback from our superiors, yet our ability to listen to thoughtful criticism is crucial if we want to evolve as professionals; or at least that’s what we’re told.
Meet the employees who are setting a new workplace trend by shutting down conversation and responding to their bosses’ feedback with primal defense mechanisms such as bleeding from their eyes or voiding the contents of their bowels at the first sign of a confrontation.
Jerry Pendleton, Sales Director (Flamboyicus jerricus)
When asked about a few missing office supplies, Jerry is known to ruffle his protective plumage to make himself look bigger to his HR manager, gently hopping around in circles until the manager realizes their quest for justice is a lost cause.
Becca Stokes, Quality Assurance Engineer (Blendicus beccae)
When this shapeshifter is confronted about habitually leaving work early, she is able to alter her skin’s pigment to blend in perfectly with her surroundings, slinking off against the black and white striped drywall undetected. While this does little to quell her manager’s tardiness concerns, it buys this specimen time to invent a deceased relative whose funeral required her 3 PM departure.
Collette Eget, Sales Associate (Femme destinka)
When this remarkable creature from the far-off land of Southeast Idaho hears about how she yet again failed to meet the sales quota last quarter, she will release a toxic pheromone so powerful that Conference Room C is rendered uninhabitable for two to three weeks.
Ian Jennings, Marketing Director (Anus inkicus)
When presented with a number of reasons why he was not eligible for a raise this year, this feisty bugger discharges a heavy cloud of ink directly into his manager’s line of vision, dashing out of the room in the ensuing jet-black confusion.