Ah, the post-interview thank you note. Some prefer to keep it short and sweet, opting for a simple, “Thanks for having me, looking forward to next steps.” Others, like Steve, prefer to go one step further and expound upon how wonderful his interviewers were, how incredibly well his skills match the needs of the company, and just how much of an honor – no, a privilege – it would be to join a crappy startup as a Marketing Associate making essentially minimum wage.
Can you tell which lines below are from Steve’s awkward thank you email and which are passages written by best-selling romance novelist Danielle Steel?
“You’d be surprised how fast things happen when the right man comes along.”
This sure sounds like something an enthusiastic Steve might say. “Hey, I’m your man, let me come fix your problems.” But if you thought Steve penned that, you’d be wrong.
This steamy line is from Steel’s 2000 classic The Wedding. While Steve has said similar things to potential employers, this particular line came from Steel as she ushered in the millennium with a seductive thriller about the escapades of Allegra Steinberg and her forbidden lover Jeff Hamiliton.
“If you see the magic between us, together we can face the future.”
Believe it or not, this one was Steve. He had a lot to make up for after confidently proclaiming that a marketing funnel was a type of cake during his interview with the CMO.
“Sometimes we have to face the fears that haunt us most. We’ll never grow until we heal, never heal without growing.”
Not even he was satisfied with his answer to how he spent the massive gap in his resume from May 2013 until June 2016. “Learning Google Analytics” convinced no one.
“They just had to be patient. Destiny would bring them what they needed, yet again.”
This one was Steel from her 2003 classic Until The End of Time, although you could imagine a restless Steve writing something similar to convince his future employer that their efforts in getting to know him would pay off in the end.
“Maybe some people are meant to just pass through our lives. It’s like some people come through just to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn. But darling I’m permanent, and I’m yours for all of eternity.”
Steve unknowingly plagiarized this from the Steel’s Until The End of Time. So, both. It was both of them.
“Things work out the way they’re meant to.”
This classic line is from Steel’s best-seller No Greater Love. Steve lacks the ability to express such clear thinking in so few words, instead opting for uncomfortable, incoherent ramblings.
“I am fully vaccinated and will not need a tetanus shot for at least 24 months.”