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Nobody at conference able to tell whether motivational speaker is fitness one or career one

Not a single person in the audience at the Crowne Plaza Bellevue reported being able to tell just what exactly they were watching this Saturday, when motivational speaker Kevin Donovan took the stage, paced furiously, gestured his hands at abstract concepts, and inflected his voice at various moments for over an hour.

“At one point he told us to forget yesterday, because a new journey starts today, so I said, oh this is one of those fitness guys, even though he’s only a little swole. Maybe he’s more of a cardio guy,” said audience member Blake Hendricks. “But then he told us to liquidate our 401(k)’s, always ask for more, and that we should never settle for less than our childhood dreams, so I said oh, maybe he’s one of those career motivational speaker guys,” recounted Hendricks, noting that Donovan pumped out 40 sit-ups while asking the audience what they want to be able to tell themselves on their deathbeds.

Audience-goers reported that things became even less clear when Donovan began his signature “Swinging For Early Retirement” kettlebell demonstration.

“He told us that sacrifice required the Three P’s: Persistence, Perspiration, and Perseverance as he hurled kettlebells with one arm, the other pointing to a slide describing how to convert a health savings account to a Traditional IRA, which can then be used to start a shell company in the Bahamas that can backdoor fund a Roth IRA. He reminded us eighteen times that we are at a crossroads, but I wasn’t sure whether he wanted me to turn on the road that leads to financial independence or a great body or both,” commented audience member Rebecca Larson.

Other audience members noted that by the time Donovan got around to the slide about luxury vacation homes on Lake Tahoe that they could own for part of the year, they had unlocked the power within themselves to hand over non-refundable down payments at a special conference rate of only $12,000.