In the not-too-distant future, we will be wearing augmented reality glasses capable of projecting turn-by-turn directions directly onto the streets in front of us, blurring out the huge moles on our spouses’ faces, and displaying skulls and crossbones directly onto the heads of romaine lettuce infected with e. Coli.
As Bob Dylan once wrote, “the times they are a-changin’,” and in the near future the times will have changed so much that a holographic version of Bob Dylan will be able to sing you a song in your living room. And yes, it can even be the Bob Dylan from before his voice sounded like a chain smoking bartender with more DUIs than college credits.
But this bright future was far from inevitable. Like any great movement, it required decades of hard work from a single unsung pioneer: Richard Glomax.
Richard was the first person to realize that reality could be augmented when he began “enhancing” the credentials on his resume, introducing an uncanny valley between what was “real” and what was fantasy.
Here is a brief timeline of Richard’s pioneering work in augmenting reality:
Richard first augments reality when he declares he has tons of experience working with a grease fryer when applying for a job at Arby’s. It took two days, fifteen ruined batches of curly fries, and one formidable grease fire later before that reality went up in smoke.
Richard takes credit for inventing parachute pants in order to land a summer job stocking the shelves at Old Navy. “MC Hammer saw me wearing them first,” he boasted to a manager who would have literally hired a cardboard box if said box hadn’t already gotten a better offer from PacSun.
Richard lands his first tech job when he convinces IBM that he has a fail-safe solution to prevent the Y2K bug, but that they must hire him to find out what it is. At 12:01 AM January 1, 2000, Richard calls his superiors to take full credit for the world not ending. At 12:03 AM, he was let go.
Richard insists that the film The Social Network left out the crucial fact that the Winklevoss twins came up with the original idea for Facebook while attending a performance of his improv troupe at Emerson College where he “yes-anded” a scene about a website that required a harvard.edu email address to join.
Richard is hired to lead Snap’s launch of Spectacles 2, which is a resounding success that brings AR to the masses and sells over five million units per day, making Snap the most profitable, successful company of all-time, according to Richard and his best friend, boss, and reality augmenting protégé Evan Spiegel.