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TechLoaf’s Top 4 Must-See SXSW Events

Holy Satoshi! Hold onto your bits everybody, SXSW kicks off this weekend and this year, they’re not just keeping Austin weird, they’re putting it on a shared and immutable ledger.

Here’s your 2019 guide to all of SXSW’s blockchain-buster events — plus a few Staff Picks you won’t want to miss.

Mark Zuckerberg testifying before congress in 4D VR

You were on the edge of your seat during the April Senate hearings — now experience it AGAIN from the 360-degree vantage point of Representative Greg Walden’s (R-Oregon) panel seat.

C-SPAN2 and Oculus Rift team up to deliver this one-of-a-kind, 4D VR experience. Witness Mark Zuckerberg’s demeanor change from calm to moist, UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. Be sure to pack a poncho for the finale when Zucks forgets how to drink water.*

*Splash Zone tickets reserved at pre-event rate of 2 BTC while seats last.

Juul pod liquid wave pool (14 and up)

Feel your heart palpitate and your eyelids crust over when you dive head first into Juul’s olympic-regulation mango pod wave pool. The viscous, 5-foot waves start every 20 minutes and last until someone screams.

Prefer to kick back above deck? Seal yourself in one of the vinyl-encased Hot Box™ vapor cabanas on the surrounding pool deck to keep your mouth dry and your lungs quenched with fruity steam clouds.

Either way, we guarantee this immersive pod liquid experience will make you feel like a kid again.

A self-driving truck microdosing LSD

This one’s a wild card on our list, because neither we, nor the scientists involved truly know what happens when you dilute 1/10th of a tab of acid in a Deer Park half-pint and pour it down a self-driving truck’s vegetable oil gas tank.

Will it be more fuel-efficient? Will it overheat and drive itself out a window? Or will it want to ideate on the nearest wall with a set of Expo markers? The CIA’s recent lift of its 1964 ban on therapeutic LSD testing for automotive vehicles now allows us to find out.

One thing is for sure, it will certainly be chiller than the H3 Hummer they dosed with DMT last year.

Amazon haunted warehouse forklift ride

This spooky, 12-hour (with no overtime) tour of Amazon’s 100-acre Austin warehouse will have you quaking in your steel-toed boots.

Shudder at the conditions of their holiday flex workers and disassociate from your circadian rhythm under the searing neon lighting that go completely black at unpredictable intervals. Your rotator cuffs will beg Alexa for mercy in the 5-hour Overhead Box Lift Lift of Terror.

Sign a waiver at the door to forego your right to unionize and allow the safety-masked workers to touch you as an endless torrent of foamy packing pellets materialize in front of your very eyes.

A warning for those with weak constitutions: This attraction has no bathroom breaks (diapers provided upon entry).

Here’s the full lineup: