We asked our favorite productivity gurus how they’re making up for the hour daylight savings wrenched from their cold, carpal-tunneled hands. Here are a few of our favorite #timesavingstips to help you crush it this week, even with the earth’s tilt stacked against you:
1. Reducing weekly Ambien tweets from 40 down to 25
Michael Hyatt writes that, while he won’t be reducing his Ambien prescription and is uncompromising in his commitment to Lebron James’ 13-hour sleep regimen, he will re-think how he leverages his drug-induced twilight.
Instead of posting his nightly, 8-reply tweetstorm of incoherent, politically charged rhetoric, Stephopolis will use his highly-creative dream state to ideate with his employees after-hours on slack. Dream big, Michael!
2. Listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast at 20x
While studies show that listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast at just 1.5x speed can result in cochlear scarring and intergenerational birth defects, Andrea Feinberg now plans to glean takeaways at a glute-rending, 20x pace.
Even more admirable is her pledge to listen to Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast at regular speed — an act that proved fatal to the Donner family as they attempted to pass the time on a 5-hour road trip to Tahoe in 2015.
3. Deleting their Bhutanese-inspired mortality mindfulness app
7 years ago, Rachel Glunt downloaded WeCroak, an app that reminds you of that you’re going to die 5 times daily. “If you question the presupposition that you will die one day, the passage of time becomes irrelevant,” wrote Glunt.
Glunt plans to delete the app, in turn neglect to shade in this Saturday on his “4000 Saturdays Life Calendar,” and ultimately adopt a new ‘mental model’ in which she remains eternal. Way to architect your own reality, Rach!
4. Signing a Faustian blood pact with the Dark Lord
Laura Stack admitted she’ll optimize her hour-starved week via sanguine foedus — a blood pact with German folk demon Mephistopheles — to halt the sands of time.
“With California State Legislature dragging its feet on San Francisco’s proposal to abolish daylight savings, I was forced to take matters into the hands and hooves of the goat-headed Dark Lord,” Stack told us. “The bureaucracy of government is archaic. I appreciated Mephistopheles’ progressive, one-soul policy and his intuitive webform.”
5. Moving to an affordable city and buying a house with a wraparound porch
Legend has it, a San Francisco haypenny is worth a bar of gold south of the Mason-Dixon and time trickles by like a molasses marmalade. Down amongst the Spanish Moss and honey sweet cornbreads, time and money just ain’t of no concern.
“After the April sun showers, the air’s so crisp, you’d damn well believe it was made out of cracklins and–BY GOD MEPHISTOPHELES FOUND ME EVEN DOWN HERE,” Stack writes.
Editor’s note: Reader Gerald Hawkins wrote in to point out that, while we lose an hour during daylight savings time in the Spring, we in fact gain that very same hour back when we change our clocks in the Fall. Stuff it, Gerald!