Press "Enter" to skip to content

I’m a believer in Snapchat and will be until the very end, which will be in 4 or maybe 5 weeks from now

By Gino Graham-Bellerophone, Industry Analyst

Snap’s 2019 comeback may very well go down as one of the best tech stories of this couple of weeks here in 2019. The company has doubled its stock price from $5.79 on the first trading day of the year to $12.02 as of this Wednesday. Snap’s stabilizing user base and better than expected earnings report in Q4 seem to have raised confidence in the stock. Furthermore, investors eagerly await a new version of Snap’s Android app, which promises to be key to the company’s international expansion.

Mark my words, people, I am a believer in Snap and I will be until the very end, which, if we stop cherry-picking data and analyze holistically this dumpster fire of a company, will be in a month, maybe five weeks at most.

Additional drivers for growth exist in the promise of strong ROI for platform advertisers. Snap’s growth in average revenue per user (ARPU) has driven advertisers and agencies to take a generally positive outlook toward Snap, with the platform’s recent policy changes making it easier to distribute content. Snap’s embrace of a programmatic model has also resulted increased investment, and over half of surveyed advertisers note an improved ROI.

However, this company has had twenty executives turn over in the last six months and for Christ’s sake the best thing about it is the dog filter that died out in 2017. Twenty executives? I mean, dear God, even raccoons know trash when they’re eating it.

Now let me be clear – I am confident that Snap is poised for growth and that the company’s efforts to turn around the “toxic bro culture” will have a positive effect overall on Snap’s bottom line.

However, on December 2nd, 1982 Dr. William DeVries implanted the first artificial heart into Dr. Barney Bailey Clark, who went on to live for an additional three-and-a-half months, and that length of time is much longer than Snap has left. Jesus, these guys have Bitmoji on their books. Bitmoji? Have you seen Bitmoji? Their characters look like the Nintendo Wii just got sucked into that picture of a black hole NASA posted yesterday. Christ people, Snap just announced a partnership with FitBit on the Bitmoji clock. Read that one over again. Fitbit! You know what a Remora is? It’s a ray-finned suckerfish in the order Perciformes – you know, one of those guys that attaches itself to sharks. If the shark dies, so too does the remora. I mean, partnering with FitBit, come on Snap. What, was Louis CK not available?

Investors take heed: it’s time to buy, buy, buy Snap. And then sell it a day or two later, because these guys have like a month left.