By Elon Musk
CEO, The Boring Company
Look, I’ve been off my rocker for a few years now. Concerns about my mental stability have been logged, talking heads on cable news make fun of me to millions, and I do drugs with people half my age. Just look at Tesla’s stock price right now. But mark my words, I stand here before you today and I want you to know that when you hit rock bottom, you just have to keep on digging, and I am digging a giant hole under Los Angeles, and, if that goes well, I will dig more, even deeper holes in many other cities.
See, the thing about holes is that you can just keep on digging until you hit magma. Investors don’t know how deep the holes are. In fact, thousands of people have given me lots of money to make holes without knowing whether they should be deep holes, wide holes, holes that fill with water, or holes that have separate entrances and exits. It’s up to me to decide how to make the holes. And boy are we digging some great holes right now, and we’re just going to keep digging.
My favorite hole I named Adonis-5. It’s not the biggest hole I’ve made, nor is it the widest, but it is the best looking. It starts out like most holes – with dirt, some rocks, and a giant fence around it so teenagers don’t fall into it while looking for places to make out. It ends – typically – in death for those who look upon it.
To be frank, I am going to put a car in one of these holes sometime soon. I will drive it up to the edge and push it in and in all candor it probably won’t even be a Tesla. It will just be a Nissan Altima or Honda Accord or something. And you people will love it. You’ll see it as a symbolic destruction of oil dependence as I usher in a new era for humanity, but really I just want a car down in a hole.
And the best part about holes? The SEC has no jurisdiction in them!